Practicing true gratitude | Lee Brower

Practicing true gratitude | Lee Brower

Lee: I see you. Audience: I’m here. Lee: Okay, good. Delighted to see Terry, just what a great
inspiration he is and I’m delighted to be here. I’m honored to be here. I’m grateful to be here. And Vishen’s… Vishen’s vision, that kind of goes together,
doesn’t it? Audience: Yeah. Lee: So Vishen’s vision, to have me here,
I’m very grateful for that. It kind of came out of left field and was
a high compliment to come in and be a part of this exciting fest that’s going on here. I’ve learned a couple of things already, and
that is I’ve got to add to my vocabulary, friggin. So I got to go look it up first, you know,
but I noticed that that’s a very popular word around on here. So, raise your hand if you’ve had a positive
experience in the last 60 days prior to coming here. Okay, look around. Okay, is there anybody that needs to borrow
one? All right. Again, next question, raise your hand if you
can remember the positive experience. Now, why would I ask that? Put them down. Why would I ask that question? Why would I ask the question if you can remember
that? Because so many people move through this life
not capturing the positive things that are around them. We move at such a fast speed, we’ve had so
many things hitting us faster than we’ve ever had before. We experience more in a year of our life than
our ancestors experienced in 100 years, and yet do we really capture all of the wonderful
things that are happening around us? Do we really know how to capture the things
around us? Do our children, do the youth of America,
the youth of the world, the youth in these different countries, do they know how to capture
the positive things that are going on around them? Do our business leaders, our political leaders,
do they know how to capture the positive things that are going around them? Vishen shared a number of the discoveries
that have been coming out lately, about the concepts of happiness and gratitude, and being
able to find these little nuggets that are around us. It’s not that easy. It’s not that easy. When you really look at gratitude, there’s
really four levels of gratitude. Level number one is ingratitude, okay? How many of you know people that are ungrateful? Okay? Do you enjoy being around them? Audience: No. Lee: Okay, so would you call them an attractant
or a repellent? Audience: Repellent. Lee: Okay, they don’t attract great opportunities
to them. They don’t attract great relationships to
them. You might be saying that people that are grateful
then would do just the opposite. People that are grateful will attract great
opportunities into their lives. They’ll attract greater opportunities into
their lives as well. But what is gratitude? What is gratitude? So there’s another level of gratitude that
we might call “social gratitude”. Say, “Please and thank you.” Now, we usually notice when somebody does
not say, “Please and thank you.” We may not always notice when they do say,
“Please and thank you.” But it’s something that become… Don’t we teach that to our children at an
early age? We try to teach them, “Make sure you say thank
you, make sure you say please.” And so you move into that space of being grateful. We want our children to be children that are
grateful. We want to associate with people that say,
“Please and thank you,” and candidly, “You’re welcome.” That’s another step because so much of our
language also diminishes other people’s gratitude. In Espanol, what do we say in Espanol when
we say, [foreign language 00:03:37], what do we say? [foreign language 00:03:39]. What does that mean? Audience:For nothing. Lee: For nothing. Okay, for nothing. What do we do in English? That was a great speech. Ah, it was nothing. You know, no big deal. You’re diminishing my gratitude. You want to elevate gratitude. So when somebody gives you a compliment, somebody
says, “That was very nice of you,” no matter how you might feel about it, acknowledge that
by saying, “Thank you,” or, “You’re welcome. You’re welcome.” They go together. They go hand in club. So that’s the social gratitude. Then we reach the next gratitude, which is
appreciative gratitude, where you really truly start to appreciate the things. But be careful, be careful here. If I Google gratitude quotes, do you know
how many quotes I’m going to get in a fraction of a second? Millions. It’s becoming very popular. And so it’s becoming what I call “the platitude
of gratitude”. Be careful because what does it really mean? How sincere is it? Are you doing it? Why are you doing it? Well, it’s a wonderful thing. I wake up in the morning, I say, “This is
a great place I live. Look at the beautiful sky. The birds are singing, it’s great. I’m healthy. It’s wonderful. Isn’t this great?” That’s gratitude. Now, I move out into the world and I start
seeing the different people around me and I start acknowledging these great things that
they’re doing. Be careful. Make it meaningful because at some point,
why are you saying it? We’re even told to say it because, be grateful
because you will get things coming to you. So who are you doing it for? Have you ever done something for somebody
and they didn’t acknowledge it and you said, “I’m not doing anything for that person again.” You ever done that? So why did you do it in the first place? Why did you do it in the first place? For you or was it for them? So there is another level of gratitude, and
that gratitude is one where you’re willing to give unconditionally, where you can just
give because you love giving, because you’re part of the family, and it’s who becomes who
you are. Now, candidly, that’s a difficult space to
live in because we’re human beings. We’re not wired that way. We’re born coming out of the womb, not saying,
“Thank you,” we’re saying, “Feed me.” It’s all about me. And that’s a gift, by the way. That’s a gift to love yourself because it’s
all about you to begin with. And we have to learn how to love others, maybe
that’s one of the reasons that we’re here. Maybe we’re here to learn about others. How do we really learn about others, to be
able to give of ourselves unconditionally? They call it “agape” in the Greek. In Israel, it’s called “Sadaqah”, giving unconditionally. In the Christian religion, we call it “the
charity” or “the pure love of Christ,” the willingness to give without expecting anything
in return. And so gratitude is a marvelous thing. And so we have a tradition in our family,
we call it…it’s a principle, if you will, is a concept. We say, “We always go big.” We always go big, and when we go big, we always
go big. And what that means is we always begin in
gratitude, okay? We always begin in gratitude. Now, if you’re gonna go big and you start
asking yourself, “How can I go big?” What if it’s a tough situation? What if you’re in an argument with somebody? What if it’s somebody that’s betrayed you? What if it’s anything? If you start asking a new question, “How do
I go big,” then you’re going to get some answers, can I go big? Can I go big? Then you even get some better answers, can
I begin in gratitude? Watch what happens when you start asking that
kind of a question. Amazing things will happen. So in our family, several years ago, we developed
a tradition about going big. We said, before you can complain, we all agreed,
before we can complain, three positive things that we have to say before… Now, you think that’s easy? I’m coming home from work, walk in the door,
how’s been your day today? You’re not gonna believe. No, no, no, no, three positive things. What happens after you share three positive
things? Audience: You find three more. Lee: That just completely changes. Now, imagine taking that down into your kids. Imagine having that experience with your kids,
where you start saying, “Before you can complain, three positive things.” So I decided that’s what I was gonna start,
a tradition in our family where you’re gonna start saying three positive things before
you said anything negative. And we were gonna do it. We made a tradition that we would do it anytime
we got together as a family. So anytime we were together as a family, we’re
at meal or something like that, at the start of it, we would say three positive things. Now, I’m going to give you a clue. And this is four words, that if you’ll remember
these four words, are very, very powerful. So I started out like this…these are not
the four words. They’re over here. I’ll talk about them in just a second. I started out with some different words, “I’ve
got an idea,” my kids don’t like those words. “Here’s something I want you to do,” they
don’t like those words. You see, they don’t like those words, but
that’s the words I used in this particular occasion because I didn’t know about these
four words. So I’m using these words over here. And so I came out and said, “This is what
we’re going to do. I think it’s a good idea,” they don’t like
that. “We start, when we have a meal, we’re going
to share three positive things before we eat dinner. Fair enough?” “Whatever.” So that’s the way it started. And I still remember my daughter, my teenage
daughter. I wish I’d started this big because then they
tend to just do it, you know, but they were this big. So my teenage daughter, she looks at it and
she just says, “Well, I went to school, big deal.” Now, I have a choice at that moment. You backhand her, get over the top of her
and tell her, “How could you not think of anything that you’re grateful for? Look at all the wonderful things that you
have in your…” And you start lecturing them, or you could
begin in gratitude and say, “Thank you for trying to think about something. I know it must be difficult at times.” And let it go. Don’t jump in her box. “Thank you for thinking about it.” Do I ever want her to think about it again? The way to keep her from thinking about it
again is to lose my cool, get mad at her, and try and make it a big deal because she’ll
stick her feet in the ground. And she’s stuck, can’t move her. So go back to gratitude. So now, afterwards, here come the four words. I learned so much from these four words. Afterwards, put my arm around her and say,
“Honey, you need to understand something. This is really important to your dad. And I’m gonna do this every time we get together
as a family. And your brothers and sisters really look
up to you. They model you. They think about everything that you do. And since this is important,” here they come,
“Would you be willing,” very powerful words, “Would you be willing to support your dad
and just think of one or two things that you’re grateful for? Even if you can’t think of something that
happened, would you be willing to do that?” That’s so much easier for her to say yes to. I opened the door for her to say yes and she
walked right in. It’s an amazing experience. So would you be willing? Think about those words and see if they don’t
become powerful words for you. She said, “Okay.” So for a while, it was she did make an attempt
and I don’t think she did very good job at it, but she did make the attempt. And I would say, “Thank you for trying,” or,
“Thank you for thinking that through.” But then one day, something happened. And it’s not just a little thing, it had to
be a major thing. It might’ve been a little thing she was grateful
for, but something happened inside of her that changed her forever. The same thing that happened to each one of
our kids that changed them forever. And that was she came in and said, “Can I
be first?” What happened? She moved from being reactive to where her
eyes and her ears started looking for things that were positive. Because you don’t see with your eyes and your
ears, you only see and hear what your subconscious mind tells you to see and hear. So she had never told herself to look for
the positive things. So your subconscious mind, which handles about
11 million bits of information per second, didn’t look forward for it. It’s not gonna serve you, unless you let it
know what you want it to look for. So all of a sudden, we had this change that
happened and it was absolutely magic. So we’ve developed this tradition over years. Now, let me tell you what we’re going to be
talking about in the next 37 minutes. I’m gonna share with you six keys of success. And I’m gonna give them to you in a way that,
some of them, that you’ve never heard before. You’re gonna hear them a little bit differently
than you ever heard before, okay? And we talked about one of them is go big. So I’m gonna substitute another thing in there
that’s called “the empowering question.” If you catch the empowering question, it will
change your experience at Awesome Fest today. It’ll change you this moment. This is where all of our researchers are all
doing. This is where our next book’s gonna be on. This is so extremely powerful. The second thing we’re gonna talk about is
making your future bigger than your past. How do you make your future bigger than your
past? And you can only do that if you know your
personal essential, what’s essential to you. Because if you know what’s essential to you,
if you know what’s essential to you, then you can say no to the very important. Part of our problem and challenges in today’s
world is there’s so many very important things that we could lend our time, energy, attention,
and resources to. And then we justify by lowering our standards
down to our level of behavior. And we get involved with it and we say, “Well,
that’s very important.” But is that your individual big why? Is that what makes it… And if you don’t have that why, you can’t
make accurate decisions in the current, in the present, if you don’t know your big why. And I see this all the time. I get the opportunity to coach business people
all the time, entrepreneurs. What a wonderful spot that I’m in? I have them coming every 90 days, every month,
I sit down for three days with at least 30 entrepreneurs from around the world that are
highly successful. They come back every quarter. So I’ve seen some of them for 10 years running,
12 years running, every quarter. And the exchange of ideas that I get to swim
in, the energy I get to swim in is just amazing. The learning that I get is absolutely amazing. Then I spend the rest of the month in my regular
job, which is working with families, working with businesses, helping them become like
the ones that I spend three days with. That’s what I love doing and I’m very passionate
about it. How do we take this and take it to another
level? So make your future bigger than your past. Second thing, always make your learning greater
than the experience. Number three, always make your learning greater
than the experience, okay? Number four, and I’ll write some of these
down in a little bit. Number four, then as we go through this, it’s
gonna be surrender but don’t give up, critical. There’s an element of entrepreneurs that’s
called “rugged individualism.” And rugged individualism is your enemy. I can do it by myself. It’s easy for me to do it than delegate it to somebody else. I got this idea. I’m afraid to share this idea because somebody else will.


  1. Maurice Moore says:

    Thank You!!

  2. Kennith Nielsen says:

    Great talk 🙂 thank you for sharing, have a fantastic day.

  3. Cosimo Marraffa says:

    you rock!!! thank you!!!

  4. Justas Šerstkovas says:

    If I could put more than one like, I would put thousands. Super amazing talk. I did a list of things I need to remember while watching this video – it got to pages of text, which I will be reviewing multiple times. Super amazing. Thanks a lot Lee and awesomeness fest for sharing!

  5. yesipl1 says:

    Thank you for such an inspiring video. I'm going to share it with my friends:-)))

  6. Opportunity Yours says:

    Wonderful information – thank you Lee 

  7. Mindvalley Talks says:

    How do you use gratitude? Share your thoughts, we'd love to hear them 😃 If you want instant transformation you need to be part of out LIVE events happening somewhere in the world 👉

  8. dlwatib says:

    Empowering question
      (What can I do today to … ?)
      (Can I … ?)
      (How can I … ?)
      (Not: I gotta … ?)
      Challenges your subconscious to come up with solution
    Celebrate (outward display of gratitude)

  9. Tamaz Mincey says:


  10. Wallaaii Yehoun says:

    My lesson clip video of the week, thanks for it

  11. Alfredo Dominguez says:

    Lee Brower is such a stand up guy and inspiration. I had the pleasure to meet and chat with him as well as to attend this presentation. His clarity and integrity are truly something to aspire to. 

  12. TheGutshot888 says:

    Thank you

  13. Thomas Plumber says:

    Thank you!

  14. Ernone Horvath says:

    Thank You so Much! Be Blessed!

  15. Fred Thunder says:

    loves coke

  16. Sharon Van Ert says:

    Thank you very much:) Go Big!

  17. Jenny S says:

    Thank you…

  18. million cech my channel says:

    please and thank you.

    you welcome ! haha

  19. Bernardo Courrege says:

    Great talk! Loved every minute! thank you.

  20. Powerplayer says:

    What ™

  21. Selvan Rajan says:


  22. Selvan Rajan says:


  23. James Stanley says:

    Awesome , Thank you Lee !!!

  24. Jacob Walls says:

    The writing board takes away from the talk it would be better to have proper slides

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