Crazy Rich Nation | The Daily Show

Crazy Rich Nation | The Daily Show


male announcer:
From Comedy Central’s
World News Headquarters
in New York…
“The Daily Show
with Trevor Noah” presents:
[boisterous trap music]♪ ♪“Crazy Rich Nation.”♪ ♪– Robert Kraft. Last month, the billionaire
New England Patriots owner was charged
with paying for hand jobs at a Florida massage parlor. Well today, he might’ve
gotten his happy ending. – Just in, an offer
is now on the table for New England Patriots owner
Robert Kraft, who is charged
with two counts of solicitation in connection
with a South Florida day spa. Prosecutors have offered
to drop those charges if Kraft admits he would’ve
been found guilty at trial. – This would also include
some punishment. It would include 100 hours
of community service, an education course
about prostitution, and a screening for STDs. [laughter] – A screening for STDs? Like, what is all of this? Rich people get deals
that I’ve never heard of. “Admit you would have
been found guilty and we’ll let you go”? [bleep] outta here, man!
[laughter] At least make him admit it
in a room full of Eagles fans, then we’ll see some punishment,
you know? This is insane! “We’ll only let you go
if you’re guilty!” What? Like, rich people are already
living in another world. And also, he has to take
an education course about prostitution?
[laughter] Uh, if you’ve read the reports, he should be
the professor, okay? [laughter] The guy has
hands-on experience, if you know
what I mean.♪ ♪The college admissions scandal. For the past few weeks, the whole country
has been rocked by the news that
hundreds of parents have been accused
of bribing their kids’ way into America’s
elite colleges, and also USC. And now–
[audience groans and laughs] And now,
some of the people involved are beginning
to face the consequences. – Breaking news:
A major college scandal. The feds bust up
a large-scale scheme helping students cheat
on their college entrance exams to get into top schools.– Two of those parents accusedare actresses Felicity Huffman
and Lori Loughlin.
Both have been charged
with felonies
for conspiracy
to commit mail fraud.
– Holy crap.
This is insane! The FBI has just busted
dozens of rich parents for bribing colleges
to accept their kids. And not just any rich people,
some celebrities. I’m so disappointed in you,
Aunt Becky. [laughter] I mean, I expected this
from a desperate housewife, but you?
[laughter] Now, details of the scandal are
still coming in, but already, some of the allegations
are mind-blowing, all right? Felicity Huffman allegedly
paid $15,000 to help her daughter
get in to top schools. And Aunt Becky, get this, allegedly paid $500,000
to get her daughter into USC. Honestly, for that amount of
money, just buy a smarter kid. [laughter] Now, the alleged mastermind
of this entire scheme is a man named William Singer,
all right? Parents paid him
millions of dollars and then he
spread those bribes around.– According to prosecutors,the scheme involved
two kinds of fraud.
Parents paying
a college prep organization
to help their children cheat
on SAT or ACT exams,
and others paying to allegedly
bribe college coaches
to help admit
the students as athletes
regardless of their
athletic skill.
– Singer went as far as toPhotoshop kids’ pictures
into sporting events,
even made up
athletic achievements.
– In one instance,
a parent sending this photo
showing their daughter playing
water polo in high school,
but in fact the photo
was another student.
– Oo-wee! The balls on these people!
[laughter] To just literally Photoshop
their kids’ faces onto the bodies
of real athletes. And I also can’t believe
nobody noticed this. ‘Cause the parent
was just there, like, “We’re so proud
of our little Joshua. “He is, like, here is during
the state championship game”… [laughter] “And here he is in the spring when he won the gold medal
at the track meet.” [laughter] So, reportedly–reportedly, these college coaches
would take bribes to pretend that they
needed these “non-athletes” on their teams, and then once the kids
got into the school, the kids would just never play.– A wiretapped transcriptdetails a father and Singer
creating a plan
to trick USC into thinking
his son was a football kicker.
The father, laughing,
telling Singer,
“That’s just
totally hilarious,”
admitting
his son’s high school
“doesn’t have
a football team.”
– The FBI says some parentsdisguised their payments
to Singer
as contributions
to a charity he ran
so they could deduct
the payments
on their income taxes.– Wow. Wow.
[audience groans] So not only were they laughing
about scamming these schools; it turns out they
were also scamming the IRS. How greedy can a person be? ‘Cause, I mean, they’re
already committing bribery, and then on top of that,
they claim it was to charity to get their bribes back
from the IRS? Like, they just added
a bonus crime to the crime that
they already committed. That was not necessary. It’s like you’re robbing a bank
and on the way out, you start stealing the pens.
“While I’m here…” [laughter]
Meh! So these parents
could be facing some pretty serious time. Um, knowing them,
they’re probably trying to bribe their way into
the best prisons, you know? They’re probably like, “Why should you accept me
into your prison? “Well, I actually ran
the library at Shawshank. Here’s a photo of me”…
[laughter] doing that, so, uh”…
[applause] I think you should let me in.” [applause] Obviously, obviously,
I’m joking. None of these rich people are
actually gonna go to prison. Come on.
No, I’m being serious. At worst, they’re probably
gonna get community service. Yeah, like, they’ll have
to pick up trash in Beverly Hills,
and be like, “Oh, another $100 bill
on the ground. Ba-ha.
So dirty.” This whole
college admissions scandal has brought up
a wider conversation about a couple of things. For instance,
what’s going to happen to “Fuller House”
without Aunt Becky, you know? Personally,
I don’t think they need her, because if you ask me, that house
was already too full.– E! News is also reportingthat she thought prosecutors
were bluffing about jail time
when she and her husband
turned down the initial offer.
– You can’t be serious.
[laughter] Aunt Becky turned down
a plea deal because she thought
the prosecutors were bluffing? You see, that’s what happens when you’re in Hollywood
for too long, all right? You just assume everyone around
you is also acting, yeah? She’s just like, “Wow, these
prison bars feel so real! “Now for this beatdown scene,
are we using a stunt double? Is that’s what’s gonna happen?” – A first of 33 parents charged in the massive
college admission scandal is preparing to plead guilty. California entrepreneur
Peter Jan Sartoriomade the revelation
in a court filing yesterday.
That came as actresses
Felicity Huffman
and Lori Loughlin,
along with ten other parents,
appeared before a judge
in Boston yesterday.
– When she arrived
in Boston Tuesday,
the “Full House” star was seen
signing autographs for fans.
– Lori, Lori, Lori!
Pay for my tuition, Lori! [laughter] [applause] – Oh, wow.
That’s priceless! And, you know, we’re laughing, but that’s actually
a great idea, right? No, because, let’s be honest. Prisons are already full. Instead of prison,
their punishment should be that they have to pay tuition
for everyone. That’s it. They’ve got the money.
[cheers and applause] Let’s just do that. And also… why is Aunt Becky
signing autographs at court? What are you doing? If I was the prosecutor
I would be like, “Oh my God, Aunt Becky,
can you sign this? A-ha, a confession!
I got her, I got her!”male announcer:
“Crazy Rich Nation.”
[upbeat music]male announcer:
“Crazy Rich Nation.”
[crowd ohhs]
– [laughs] [laughter and applause] Oh, man. Jussie Smollett. A month ago,
few people knew who he was. If you heard
“Jussie Smollett,” you were either
talking to a huge fan of the show “Empire,” or you overheard a drunk guy
trying to order an omelette. “What will you be having, sir?” “Just a Smollette
with extra ham.” [laughter] But now, the whole world
knows Jussie’s name, and it’s for all
the wrong reasons. – “Empire” actor Jussie
Smollett is in police custody after turning
himself in overnight. He is accused
of faking a hate crimeafter his story of being
attacked by racists
fell to pieces.– Smollett has been charged
with disorderly conduct
for filing
a false police report,which is a felony
in the state of Illinois.
– Police say Smollett
planned this attack
because he was allegedly
upset by how much
he was being paid
by the show “Empire.”
– Are you kidding me? This dude may have
faked a hate crime just to get a raise? I don’t understand.
Like, what’s the logic there? You get your ass beat, and then you go
to your boss and be like, “Hey can I get
another million dollars? I need to buy some BAND-AIDs.”
What was the thinking? That is not a good
way to get a raise, people. I mean, call me old fashioned,
but whatever happened to just going
into your boss’s office, and blackmailing
him with nudes? Okay?
[laughter] This is such a petty reason
to pull off such a major crime. Imagine if we found out
the reason Tupac faked his own death
was just to get out of a Blockbuster late fee. That would be insane! We know that didn’t happen.
What really happened was Tupac was murdered
by Blockbuster because he didn’t
return “Forrest Gump.” Those guys didn’t mess around! So Chicago police have
put together a story of what they believe
really happened. And they’re confident enough
to charge Smollett. And the reason they’re
confident enough to charge him is because it looks
like Jussie and the brothers who reportedly
fake the attack with him left no shortage
of incriminating evidence. – Police say they tracked
these two brothers down via the ride share
car service that they used. – We know that the police have the cell phones
of the young men. – There were conversations
between Smollett and these two
Nigerian Americans an hour
before the attack, an hour after
the attack, and when they
traveled to Nigeria.– Police say Smollett paid
the brothers a total of $3,500
via check and then
promised a $500 follow-up.
– They’re saying he paid his
accomplices with a check? [laughter] What, did he also write
“Fake Hate Crime” in the memo? [laughter] Even amateurs know
if you commit a crime, you go all cash, people,
no paper trail! You’ve never seen a movie
where the bad guys are like, “I need you to get
rid of someone for me. “Now, who do I
make this check out to? “Is that ‘Knuckles’
with a ‘K’? “Ah, crap, I gotta start again, I keep writing 2018
on all my murder checks.” [groans angrily] So if he did do this, Smollett did a horrible job
with this fake crime. In fact, the Chicago police
also claimed today that Smollett wanted his hate
crime to be caught on camera. But it turns out,
that didn’t go right either.– Police say they went
over security video
from dozens of pod cameras,
but the staged attack itself
was never captured by
a rotating security camera.
– I believe that Mr. Smollett wanted it on camera,
but unfortunately, that particular camera wasn’t
pointed in that direction. [laughter] You’ve gotta be shitting me. He wanted to be caught, but he didn’t
get caught on camera because he didn’t know which
way the camera was pointing? You’re an actor.
That’s your only job! Your only job!
[cheers and applause] How do you not know? Now I’m starting
to think that Jussie was probably
on the set of “Empire” like, “What do you mean
my father doesn’t– “Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Where is it? “What do you mean? “Don’t you
tell me about Cookie! “I think we got this.
Can I get a raise? Can I get a raise now?” So Jussie is potentially
going to prison for a while, and in his wake,
he’s screwed over everyone. Think about it. Members of the gay community
are emotionally terrorized over something that
turned out to be a hoax. Trump supporters are upset
about being falsely accused. And Democrat candidates– Democratic candidates are
tying themselves into knots trying to walk back
their initial statements calling this
a modern day lynching. Nobody won in this thing. I mean, the only winner here,
really, is Subway. No, because before this story, I didn’t know
they were open at 2:00 a.m. Did you guys know that?
I didn’t know that. I genuinely didn’t know that.
[cheers and applause] The point is nobody won. But there is a silver lining. When this started out,
it was a story about people who hated Jussie Smollett
because he was black and gay. Now, people hate him
because he’s an asshole. [laughter] In other words,
they’re judging him on the content
of his character, and not the color
of his skin. And that, my friends,
is progress. We’ll be right back.announcer:
“Crazy Rich Nation.”
[upbeat music]male announcer:
“Crazy Rich Nation.”
[boisterous trap music]♪ ♪– Socialism. It’s starting
to get more popular in America, and it’s making Fox News
more afraid than Mike Pence at a screening
of “Bohemian Rhapsody.” – The rise of socialism
has never been more clear. – Now you have AOC and you have a hundred of these members of
Congress openly embracing this.– Socialism is
not only dangerous,
but it is also evil.– This Green New Deal,
this is sugarcoated socialism. It’s like sugarcoating poison. Sweet at the front,
deadly at the end. – Ooh, sweet at the front,
deadly at the end! You talking
about socialism or Willy Wonka’s
chocolate factory? What are you talking about?
[laughter] Yeah, uh,
that was deadly at the end. You know how many kids died?
We don’t talk about that. That is not a children’s story, it’s a horror movie
with fun music! [laughter] For more on the rise
of socialism in America, we turn to a man who always
makes me pay for dinner, my friend, Neal Brennan,
everybody! [cheers and applause] – Hey buddy,
we should grab dinner soon. – No thanks. So Neal, um,
who’s responsible for socialism’s
popularity right now? Is it Bernie Sanders? Uh, is it Elizabeth Warren,
Ocasio-Cortez? – Mmm, no. I’ll tell you
who’s responsible. Rich people. Rich people have done
more for socialism than Bernie, AOC,
and Elizabeth Warren combined. Which, by the way, would be a
very unpleasant-looking person. [laughter] – [screams]
Take that away, take that away! Uh, okay, but Neal,
I don’t understand. How can rich people
be responsible for socialism if they hate it? – Because they keep rubbing
their money in people’s faces, with their tax dodging
and wealth flaunting and financial corruption. When it comes to socialism,
I don’t blame Uncle Bernie, I blame Aunt Becky. [laughter] It wasn’t enough
that she’s a TV star and married to a millionaire, she still had to scam her
daughter’s way into college. You had everything, why cheat? It’s like if the Hulk
got caught doing steroids. [laughter] For what?
Hulk, no. [laughter] Steroids redundant. Also, Hulk balls shrink.
[laughter] Mrs. Hulk no happy.
[laughter] So when people see
that admissions scandal, and then Bernie comes along
and says, “We should tax the rich
and make college free,” I get why Americans
would think, “Yeah, college should be free.” I agree with white Yoda.
[laughter] – So you think socialism
is just a natural reaction to capitalism that’s run amok. It’s basically, like, putting up speed bumps because
people are driving too fast. – Yup. Because rich people
are out here Tokyo driftin’
with their dicks out. [laughter] Look at Amazon– they wanted a new home for
their corporate headquarters, so Jeff Bezos made cities
audition for him like a spoiled king. “Pittsburgh, entertain me.” [laughter] “Birmingham, my feet are sore.
Rub them.” [laughter] “Cute, but I’m going
with New York.” And Amazon picked New York
partly because New York offered them
$3 billion. So if more New Yorkers
are going socialist, don’t blame AOC,
blame Jeff Bezos. He’s worth $144 billion. You know how rich that is? Even if you started
earning $50 million a year, guess how long it would take for you to reach
Jeff Bezos’ level. 2,880 years. Now imagine being that rich
and still being like, “Yah, I’ll come to your city, but you’ve gotta
give me money.” [laughter] – Sweet lord,
that is super rich. – I know. To get that money, LeBron would
have to stay on the Lakers until the year 4899.
[laughter] And they probably still
won’t make the playoffs. [audience laughs and groans] The Knicks won’t either.
[laughter] By the way, having super rich people
in charge doesn’t help, either. Last week,
our billionaire president proposed cuts to Medicaid, the program that gives
health insurance to the poor. This is a guy who can afford
the best doctors in the world and he still wants
to take health care away from poor people. My God, the assholery.
[laughter] It’s not enough you’re already in the
VIP section sipping Cristal, you also want
to walk around the club slapping Bud Lights
out of other people’s hands. [laughter] And yes, Bud Light
is the Medicaid of beers. [laughter] Dilly dilly.
[laughter] So when people see
budget cuts like that, then hear Elizabeth Warren
pitching Medicare for all, you can’t be shocked
when 57% of them are like, “Yeah, I’m with
Senator Librarian on this.” [cheers and applause] Because the best salesmen
for socialism aren’t the leftie politicians,
it’s the ultra-wealthy. Forget Che Guevara, we should put the real heroes
of socialism on t-shirts: Rich dicks. – Neal Brennan, everyone!male announcer:
“Crazy Rich Nation.”
[upbeat music]male announcer:
“Crazy Rich Nation.”
[boisterous trap music]♪ ♪– There’s a new report tonight that President Trump
may have lied his way onto “Forbes” magazine annual
list of richest Americans back in the 1980s.Trump first made the list
in 1982
with a reported net worth
of $100 million,
but the documents later proved
he was only worth $5 million.
He lied abouthow many apartments
the Trump Organization owned,
how much the units
were worth,
and that Trump,
not his father,
owned the apartments.– That’s right,
all the way back in 1982, Trump apparently got onto
the first “Forbes” list by lying about his net worth and claiming that
the stuff that his dad owned was actually his. But it turns out
that Trump’s lie may have gotten him
a whole lot more than just
some flattering press. – Because Donald never had
an actual statement of his assets
and his liabilities. He used the Forbes 400 and this statement
of inflated assets to borrow billions and billions
of dollars which he used
to build Atlantic City and over-leverage himself. – You’re saying he wanted
to use the “Forbes” list to fraudulently
induce people to fund him in ways
they otherwise would not? – That’s correct. – Okay, I don’t know about
you, but this is mind-blowing. Trump lied
to get onto the “Forbes” list. Then the “Forbes” list
cemented him as a mogul, and then he
used his mogul status to get to the White House. Because remember, his success story wasn’t just
a minor detail of who he was, it was the very heart
of his campaign. – “Forbes” just came out and they said I’m worth
$4 1/2 or $5 billion. I’m really rich. I’m not even saying that,
in a brag– that’s the kind of mindset,
that’s the kind of thinking you need for this…country. So look, I’m–
I’m really a good businessman, I’m so good at business. Oh, you people are gonna
be so rich so fast, you don’t even… [applause] You don’t know
how rich you’re gonna be.[laughter]You’re gonna go
from a debtor nation and it’s gonna…
[imitates rocket] You’re gonna say,
“Wow, what happened?” – You know, in retrospect, I feel like we should’ve asked
what [imitates rocket] means. [laughter] ‘Cause, like, “Huh, turns out
[imitates rocket] Was a Muslim ban,
who would’ve thought?” “Yeah, I didn’t know,
I didn’t know.” If I was a Trump supporter,
I would be so pissed, because I voted for a rich guy
who was always successful, not some trickster who lied
his way onto the “Forbes” list. Like, if I find out he’s not
racist, I will be so mad! [laughter] So mad!male announcer:
“Crazy Rich Nation.”

100 Comments

  1. Bongani Majola says:

    I like this Nell guy.

  2. KittMouri says:

    Trevor's laugh is priceless! ๐Ÿ˜‚โค

  3. Bree Harrison says:

    Felicity Huffman Sentenced to Two Weeks

  4. I L L U M I N A T I GAMING GOD69 says:

    14:23 A man who always makes me pay for dinner . . . Ayy buddy we should grab dinner soon… No thanks

  5. V J says:

    smollet should get no more than felicity

  6. DrDomich says:

    Work bitches. Don't complain.

  7. Sabrina says:

    I need Yoda Sanders plushies. It's perfect.

  8. Patricia Lucious says:

    Not just rich ppl but Eusa ppl.

  9. Patricia Lucious says:

    Well one rich woman just got two weeks in jail. The first one to b sentenced.

  10. R H says:

    I challenge US citizens to do any of what these people have done and go free without atleast 6 months of Jail. Democracy my ass. It's still slavery for all and when slaves go against slave master they make an example of those poor slaves.

  11. v says:

    Puritan Amerikkka

  12. Angel says:

    Learners, these are normal deals in Nigeria

  13. W GU says:

    15:30 Why does this guy sound like Kaizer Neko?

  14. D White says:

    Wish I could explain to Trevor that this ends with a fine and 14 days in jail.

  15. N&B Frost says:

    So trump has always been a liar and a con man whose brain is the size of a pea. Alright, thanks.

  16. Dani Nicole says:

    Felicity Huffman got sentenced to two weeks… two weeks.. du fuq

  17. Joanna Leacock says:

    My favorite line was that Jussie Smollett โ€˜was judged by the content of his character not the color of his skinโ€™ ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ Well done Trevor; well done!

  18. Marilyn Lambey says:

    That sound like a ponsie scheme that Trump been doing for years. Remember Bernie Madoff.

  19. I Y says:

    So they cheated their ways to college, but did they end up staying there or were they kicked out?

  20. Berhane Gebriel says:

    The More The Bribe To Admission The More The Decline The Quality Of The Schools. We The So-called Minorities Have Been Excluded From These Schools. The Few "Monkeys" Were Samples. But Prayers And Fastings Are God's Wrath NOT Only To The Schools But Also To The Entire Nation. Keep On Praying And Fasting And You Will And Shall See The Edged Sharp Sword Of God.

  21. crim somreaf5555 says:

    crazy rich nation? yeah only for the 10% while the rest of us are barely getting by

  22. Amy M Elliott says:

    Isn't a state gov't paying Amazon socialism; corporate socialism? Why is this ok, but not caring for medium to low income human beings?

  23. Jackie M says:

    I mean…

    He's not wrong. I grew up hardcore republican, and switched to Warren/Bernie because it just takes one medical bill to utterly f*ck up your entire future. But sure, a spoiled rich kid goes viral for dumping a Mercedes into a river because it wasn't the Bentley he asked his daddy for… not like the asset-value of that one stupid car wouldn't get my life back on track and pay for an education… Or getting dropped from college just to hear about rich people bribing their way in.

  24. Just Glorious says:

    Awesome. Congrats on your success.
    You got this (Mr Trevor Noah).

  25. Argentina3000 says:

    murikans you are more socialist than you think: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCK-6FjMu9OI8i0Fo6bkW0VA

  26. Nalani says:

    "My God, the assholery."
    Omg, I love that! I'm gonna use that from now on.
    "What?! He cheated on you?! The assholery of him!"

  27. Cynthia Richardson says:

    Trump promise the USA they are gonna be so rich so fast.

    Almost 4 years ,Still waiting

  28. Tkrv77 says:

    Freddie Mercury: We will we will rock you!
    Mike Pence: No thank you Mister. The Lord is our rock.

  29. Kiswahili Kitukuzwe 254 says:

    This is a recipe for a revolution. Revolutions don't happen in a vacuum!

  30. Cedric Marcel Butz says:

    Do they seriously think free healthcare and education have anything to do with socialism? Because that's ridiculous. It's just the state giving you stuff back in exchange for you paying taxes, just like roads and (in the US non-existent) public transportation. That's not libertarian or socialist, that's common sense. Socialism is the state appointing workers in state owned businesses according to state made plans while the state tends to be run by a single party in an authoritarian style.
    Free healthcare, education and transportation should be normal public wellfare measures of common sense and have nothing in common with socialism.

  31. World citizen says:

    It's getting to dangerous levels that, rich is richer and poor is poorer in US. Nearly 3 million people in jail. This number would of been 5 million but jails are full. Millions of people homeless. Well US supposed to hit the highest employment. Bulshit

  32. Rebecca C says:

    Can we also talk about how some of these rich people give there kids up (legally only with maybe a couple weeks outside their house) to a guardian so that they will pay less for college? Maybe the rich should be banned from colleges until they can prove they will not abuse the system.

  33. Dexter Morgan says:

    ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  34. Dexter Morgan says:

    rich people take everything and more than they should to survive and kill indirectly others this is serious !

  35. Zhi Han Lee says:

    Meanwhile some one in my country argued that "inequality is a must" because of his belief in trickle-down economics (& that the alternative would be USSR-style trickle-up economics); but I figure that's more theory than reality

  36. Annie S. says:

    "Senator Librarian" LMAOOOO!!!

  37. Ryan N812 says:

    Like the SATs arenโ€™t even that hard to do well on. ๐Ÿ˜‚

  38. Dianelaine929 truthbetold says:

    @17:31
    NO $#ยกT

  39. Liana Rose says:

    "Honestly, for that amount of money, just buy a smarter kid" ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

  40. Hass Anderson says:

    What free time and too much attention gets you, not to mention being surrounded by yes men and women, smh. "The prettiest people do the ugliest things"

  41. Charlotte Chebet says:

    Boisterous trap music always gets me ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜ต

  42. BK Light says:

    So disappointed in Aunt Becky ๐Ÿ˜”

  43. Nerdsammich says:

    Jeff Bezos is so rich that no amount of taxes can even materially affect his life. If you went super crazy and just straight up confiscated 99% of his assets, he would still be a billionaire. If he lost 99.9% of everything he has, he'd still be among the super- rich with a net worth of over ten million. That's a very cushy retirement, one that would see a family of four never have to work again, but it's not enough for Jeff. He's just not able to be happy with what he has. That's why we need some damn socialism.

  44. Aulani Hoke says:

    Orange Assholery!

  45. Tania NIXzS says:

    The country is several trillion dollar debt ๐Ÿค” I think that's what he meant. We will be rich in. At this point China owns us and another country can attack us.

  46. mark l says:

    Why is prostitution even illigal in this day and age

  47. Syreetha Kosoredjo says:

    Arrogant baby face

  48. Syreetha Kosoredjo says:

    DO NOT I REPEAT DONT YOU EVER MAKE THE WRONG BLACK WOMAN! angry. plSS dont eat subway here in Atlantis Cries for your life bc the veggies smell rotten. Told you im sensitive

  49. Syreetha Kosoredjo says:

    IF HE DARES!!! don't get me started trump…. then why r u getting mad trump Cries in behalf of #Melania

  50. Syreetha Kosoredjo says:

    shoulkd i say it in Italian? ''Donaldo''. T.Hanks father ๐Ÿ˜‰

  51. Travis Jones says:

    Bezos is an unbelievable hypocrite. He pays his employees awfully and says heโ€™s so liberal. The dick pics didnโ€™t make him pull his head out of his ass

  52. seokjinism cult says:

    the photoshopped tommie smith/john carlos cracked me tf up

  53. elizabeth thai says:

    Yikes. Imagine being the kid that is now known for your parent paying money so you can get in because they thought you couldn't do it.

  54. atomic man says:

    A lot of the richest people in this country are are just actors and basketball players and pop singers that didnt do shit for the economy except entertainment.. Like thats fair.. That's why their kids cant do well on the sat caus they idiots

  55. ForeverMe543 says:

    I love that skinny white guy. He was very great at explaining socialism.

  56. ForeverMe543 says:

    In ref to the college scandal: I'm disabled. Ive been denied ssi and I'm still in appeal. I was illegally kicked out of community college and couldn't fight it.

    I can barely afford to go to school online half time because the gov granted me some help due to my disability. But I don't have a laptop. I can't afford books. I can't afford to go full time.

    These rich parents should be ASHAMED of themselves and frankly I wouldn't mind them paying my way after all the suffering I've been through.

  57. Leo Avila says:

    Thumbs down cuz of the lakers joke

  58. Gale Miller says:

    Trevor Noah is the Best comedian I've seen in a long time! The jussie Smollett! Story is hilarious! I did not know Subway was open 24 hours either?until I saw the interview with Jesse Smollett making this so much funnier! ๐Ÿ˜‚ Lol!โค๏ธ

  59. Evan AB says:

    I think better than jail time would be that these rich jerks are required to fund yearly scholarships for DESERVING students who don't get to benefit from any of the privileges these children of Hollywood recieve!! Then there's Aunt Becky wearing her glasses trying to look, what smarter? Faking it is just a way of life for these people. Pretending you're smart, while trying to claim ignorance about not understanding that they could face jail time?!

  60. Josny13 says:

    The real "best" schools should be ones that accept people who can barely find their nose and have them leave the school a genius.

    12:00 Brilliant! xD This has been a good laugh.

  61. manu manu says:

    Trevor noah I love your show

  62. Forsaken says:

    AOC for President. AOC I LOVE YOU

  63. Beren Yildirim says:

    Imagine having to pay 500k to get into college ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  64. simiansapient says:

    To address the disingenuous comments of asdf;lkj123.

    Their main argument is the extremely reductive definition of racism, which is not current (see the definition from a UN document, link below)
    https://www.ohchr.org/EN/ProfessionalInterest/Pages/CERD.aspx
    […] the term "racial discrimination" shall mean any distinction, exclusion, restriction or preference based on race, colour, descent, or national or ethnic origin which has the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing the recognition, enjoyment or exercise, on an equal footing, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural or any other field of public life.[…]
    Based on this definition, Trump's derogatory comment on Haitians (among many others) is indubitably racist and most of the pseudo-debunking done by asdf;lkj123 is therefore invalidated.

    Furthermore, a racist comment does not need to specify it is racist. In short, there is no need to have "because you are black" added to make a statement racist. For the three congresswomen to whom Trump told to "Go back home", it could only motivated by their skin color, and no, saying after the facts it was a suggestion does not make it any less racist.

    An act of racism does not need to be confirmed by the legal system. Saying a racist joke will still be racist even if it does not go to court. For the case that was settled, the court did not recognize there was no racism involved, it just recognized that the plaint had been withdrawn following a agreement between the parties involved.

    Cherry-picking… for someone who pretends loving facts, asdf;lkj123 is very lax in their use. Saying that all asylum seekers are actually not asylum seekers is not based on any fact (Breibart does not count as a valid source). Saying that no immigrants from Europe could cross illegally is not a fact either (Canada and Mexico are points of entry for them as well).

    Disingenuous statements: drawing a parallel between murder and illegal immigration is idiotic, especially in relation to handling families. Pretending to want facts while misusing or even inventing facts, is indeed disingenuous.

    Trump has clearly behaved, both in paroles and acts, in a clear racist way, and has promoted, whether directly or indirectly, racism.

  65. levin wu says:

    Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

  66. Alejandro Kaplan says:

    isn't pewm the sound you make to imitate a plane taking off and them crashing

  67. sxyldy7 says:

    Funny yes but also food for thought on socialism. ๐Ÿค”

  68. Charles Amaral says:

    I wonder how much it cost Trumps Father to get him into College? Trump the Dumbest fake President in History. Impeach and Remove.

  69. Rafael Sirens says:

    those fake hate crime guy are hot
    I think they get paid more than just a fake hate crime

  70. Deana Prine says:

    I knew I disliked the PATRIOT'S AND now with R.Kraft hands on experience ๐Ÿ"HES one KRUSTY KRAB! EEWW

  71. Andrew Garcia says:

    3:02 I'm ready to be adopted : )

  72. Bonnie Urso says:

    Trump didn't get the presidency because he is rich trump got to the presidency because he is a reality tv star!
    That's the only reason those who live through the Internet and tv and never leave their houses or go anywhere people are gathered are the sole reason for why Americans voted for him.Then he discovered Russian hackers through his kids and the rest is history.

  73. Angel Venegas says:

    7:10

  74. Basir Mastoor says:

    Did I love this show ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  75. Kayla Sherman says:

    Sounds like the Clintons foundation to me!

  76. Kirito Kirigaya says:

    Who lives an honest life??? No one does

  77. Miguel Lopez says:

    Shrimpled white dudes are a minority now?

  78. Space Coyote says:

    So Smollett pulled a Trump?

  79. Christian says:

    Half goes to his wife- lol

  80. Christian says:

    So rich he cant show his tax records! I call myself millionaire as long as i dont showy taxes- lol

  81. Olenka P says:

    Trevor talks about rich people like he isn't a millionaire himself =)))

  82. N I Q O L E says:

    I totally think Aunt Becky and Mr. 'Target Clothes are Cool' should have to pay ยฝ a million in Scholarships every year, for as many years as it takes the little dimwit to actually graduate USC. No tutors, no one taking tests for her; just Olivia Jade going to class, taking notes and STUDYING FOR TESTS!

  83. N I Q O L E says:

    20:23 I'm still waiting, Mr. President Chump

  84. Ismael Moctar says:

    Hahahahaha hahaha ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ IF YOU READ THE REPORT HE SHOULD BE THE PROFESSOR!!!! Hahahaha

  85. Ardheshwar Singh says:

    Screening for STD … He didn't even made it to second base

  86. Arn Naul says:

    HOW DUMB IS YOUR KID?? HAHAHA

  87. mets fan says:

    If you can read this,
    you don't need glasses.

  88. LoveFlatfootin1 says:

    Nice of Trevor to share the spotlight with his no-talent friends.

  89. UpRoaryus says:

    I read or heard something about how (aside from the whole "camel through the eye of the needle" thing) if you want to know how God feels about money, just look at the people He gives it to… It is people like these which have me thinking I can't ever actually be really wealthy, simply because I can't be that much of an asshole of a person. Is there anyone who is disgustingly rich and also a genuinely kind and enjoyable person whose character isn't a blight on humanity as a whole?

  90. Morio Murase says:

    10:30 Who pays for criminal stuff with a check? Evidently Michael Cohen and Donald Trump.

  91. Tiger N_I_F_R Imeri says:

    fox is really soo american…trash talk…gossip…getting an orgasm while shitting on people…but wait until trump is gone. they will denie to eeeever have been pro trump and they neeever talked crap….those are soo fake news spilled about them…

  92. Dee Johnson says:

    School is free teach your own kids if you don't want to then you have to pay that's it really simple dummy

  93. Howie Grossman says:

    Nahmean Do you no what I mean he came up with this NAHMEAN !!!!!

  94. Victor Ch says:

    Listen to the irony – many claim US is the richest country in the world but can't afford to have an affordable medical care system for all like all developed countries have or even cannot afford reasonable prices for working class.

  95. rationalguy says:

    STD from a handy?

  96. Bernie Cruz says:

    Prosecution only let people off the hook from convictions for 2 reasons, their cases are super weak or they're paid off/bribed!
    The whole reason why the prosecution is letting this guy go, is because they know their case is weak AND because Kraft has connections to people in the judicial system, like maybe a judge who'll reside over the case, and the prosecution knows they will lose.
    Prosecutions don't like to lose because look at what happened to Marcia Clark when she lost the O.J. case?
    So in order for them to save their faces and not end up like Marcia Clark, they're asking Kraft to make this admission so that the prosecution can use it for a political purpose and appear that they didn't get defeated.

  97. Madelene Y says:

    Aunt Becky is making us all facepalm

  98. Thomas Dalvad says:

    What you are describing isn't socialism! It's called regulation and redistribution. How come Americans doesn't understand that.

  99. Nancy Beveridge Taylor says:

    Man… I grew up poor and I got OFFERS from Yale, Brown, and Smith because I had a great SAT score. (And I went to a top tier private Catholic highschool on scholarship as well) Those kids should have, like, maybe, read a book? (That was back in the 1970's)

  100. Nancy Beveridge Taylor says:

    Trump's hair is a separate person!

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